Bipolar
by RenegadeZabuzaMomochi
Summary: So Morrigan is bored, Albert Wesker is her gardner and Lurch from the Addams Family is now her butler under his new name, Carl.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything in here that has copyrights.

**_BIPOLAR_**

_Chapter One: Love Sucks_

"I am so bored!"

The succubus wandered around her enormous castle while dragging a vampire teddy bear she named Gustav. Seriously, it was a vampire teddy bear. It had fangs and whatnot. The only things really occupying her house were bats and a monster similar to Frankenstein's famous creation. His name was Carl. He was hired a few years ago when the giant was let go after the Addams Family, for some reason, went on a vacation to the Sun. How they got there or survived is currently unknown but Carl, previously known as Lurch, was unable to attend for he had been way too slow to pack his luggage. Instead, he was found in the employment of Morrigan Aensland after she decided to enter a shopping spree and he was hanging around in the food court eating from the trash cans. Morrigan thought he was just too adorable to leave behind so she hired him and named him Carl after noticing he had a Carl's Jr. wrapper in his hands. Unfortunately, he was the only thing keeping her entertained and their conversations aren't very enlightening.

"Carl!" Morrigan whined. It took Carl about forty minutes to get to her.

"You rang," Carl replied.

"I want to do something but I don't know what!"

"I will call Albert Wesker."

"Yay!"

"Don't you dare, Lurch!" Wesker shouted from the outside. Evidently, he worked as a part time gardener in her castle.

"Come on, Wesker! Let's hang out! We can have fun!" Morrigan called out to Wesker.

"Not from the likes of you, you wretched harlot!" Wesker shook his fist at her from below near his precious garden. He was wearing a giant sunhat and an apron as well as pink gardening gloves. He still wore his trademark black leather outfit except he had bright yellow boots.

"You're no fun," Morrigan says, sighing as she watched Wesker return to his creation. She swore she could hear him talking to his plants as if they were his offspring.

"Don't worry now. Mama Wesker is going to take good care of you! That stupid bat lady won't harm you ever again!" Wesker declared a little bit loudly.

"What a weirdo," says Morrigan, rolling her eyes.

Morrigan strides down the hallway. Several bats attacked her while Carl watched but that ended after a few seconds. She approached a very morbid looking house phone and made a call to order some pizza but for some reason, they didn't pick up. Maybe after the last four delivery guys ended up returning back to Pizza Hut pale as ghosts and then quitting might have attributed to this factor. Plus, she wasn't really hungry. She was just so bored out of her mind that she craved for attention. Not even the mighty Albert Wesker, who is somehow in her universe, wanted to strike up a conversation with a very seductive and voluptuous succubus. Hell, Lilith didn't bothered visiting her "sister," either! Morrigan Aensland's social life is spiraling to oblivion.

"Why do people never visit me, Carl?" Morrigan asked her trusty butler.

"Maybe you should throw a party," Carl suggested.

"I tried! Nobody came to my last party!"

"It's probably because you tried killing everybody. You even killed Scorpion's family."

Yes. She was the one responsible for the deaths of Scorpion's family. Quan Chi just happened to be there when they were brutally murdered and now the blame is on him. This is one of the many reasons why the sorcerer never visits the Aensland household.

"Oh, please! It's not like death is the ultimate end! I'm fine being a succubus!"

"But they're humans."

"Being a human must suck, huh, Carl?"

"Yes."

Carl felt a single tear shed as he began to reminisce about his days in the Addams household. Boy, was he glad the children weren't trying to blow shit up around him anymore.

"I'm going to die alone, aren't I?"

"If you want to."

"I need a husband. Carl, that's it! I'll find a husband!"

"Shall I begin searching?"

Carl opened up a catalog featuring sexy males, including Chris Redfield, Ryu from Street Fighter, Jin Kazama, Siegfried Schtauffen and many more. Morrigan grabbed the catalog and threw it outside, hitting Wesker.

"No, we're going to do this the better way!" Morrigan declared.

"OUCH! WHO THREW THIS!"

"And what way is that, madam?"

"GOOD GOD! Chris Redfield, my nemesis is on an advertisement for dating?! Hah! Pathetic!" Wesker shouted.

"We're going to enter me on a dating show! What dating show is still on air?" Morrigan beamed at Carl.

"Teen Moms," Carl stated bluntly.

"That's a dating show?"

"Pretty much."

"Oh, this is bullshit! I'm on this! And I'm not 5'4"! I'm taller than that!" Wesker screamed.

"What about online dating?"

"You can try eHarmony, madam."

"And I certainly do NOT enjoy pumpkin pie! Maybe pumpkin cake but most certainly not pie!" Wesker yelled before the sound of a magazine being thrown inside a dumpster was heard.

"Okay, I'll sign up for eHarmony. What's a good name to use?"

"TwilightLady?"

"Why that?"

"I heard people talking about it the other day. I assume people are into twilight hours."

"It sounds kind of lame but okay."

A few hours later, Morrigan went through so many profiles on eHarmony. She administered herself as TwilightLady but most of the people coming to her page were gay guys asking if she's read the books. Evidently, she was largely unaware of the Twilight series and after reading a pirated version of the first book, she declared it as blasphemous. I mean, one of her most annoying enemies is a vampire and even she thinks the books are complete garbage! Apart from that, she had the most unusual things filled out in her page, such as her hobbies consisting of BDSM, drinking blood and beating up people to pass time. It was pretty unusual since Morrigan used her own picture and nobody bought it. Most users assumed she was a catfish so after a while, she didn't bother pursuing anymore matches. Wesker got curious enough to assist Morrigan, after she forgot to pay him, and suggested she go on CraigsList but all she found were very shady characters. When it came to sundown, and with Wesker leaving the castle, Morrigan decided she should stop her search for romance but ruin everyone's day of romance.

"Love stinks!"

"Yes... it does," Carl says, reminiscing yet again at how many times Gomez kept having sex with Morticia in front of him. He cringed at the thought of the woman inserting a power drill inside her husband's behind.

"Carl, let's ruin everyone's day, okay? I want to make everyone as miserable as possible!"

"Where do you want to start, madam?"

"Let's see... OH! I think Chris is taking Jill Valentine to Paris! Let's start there!"

"Is that wise?"

"What do you mean?"

"People will be there and they're on your side."

"So? Nobody really likes each other on our side!"

"Chris will be very angry."

"I don't care. Now let's go."

_Paris._

"Why would you do that?" Jill questioned the voluptuous bat woman. Apparently, Morrigan picked up Chris Redfield and threw him in a pool filled with killer frogs and now they're tearing his clothes off. She, Carl and Wesker made a trip to Paris to bring misery upon couples and Wesker decided to join them the moment Morrigan left a post-it on her door the following day when he showed up for work so he went on the first airplane that was about to take off which was a giant stealth bomber.

"I'm here to ruin everyone's day! Especially those who are in love!" Morrigan beamed a smile at Jill.

"But we're just hanging out before we head back to work. The BSAA had us assigned here."

"Oh, don't give me that!" Morrigan pouted.

"They're biting my pubes! Oh God! Of all the things!" Chris screamed while he got harassed. Wesker was in the background taking photos on his smart phone and uploaded them on Instagram.

_Ivalice._

"Dude, look at Wesker's Instagram. He has a video of Chris Redfield being chased by killer frogs!" Reks held up his phone for everyone to see.

"My day just got better," Balthier says, smiling.

_Paris._

"Two on two, eh, Chris?" Wesker cackled.

"I know you two are on a date!" Morrigan pointed at Jill accusingly.

"So? It's okay for us to date. We've been together for years since the first game came out," Jill replied.

"Eh?" Morrigan's eyes twitched.

"I know you're furious and all but you can't go attacking people just because you're single," Jill continued.

"Yes, I can! I can fly! And stuff..."

"So? Look. Why don't you go finding a nice man to date? What about Lurch?"

"CARL! His name is Carl! And seriously? Look at him!" Morrigan turned to Carl picking up daisies and smelling them.

"This is just too fun, Chris!" Wesker said in between laughs.

"Besides, I want a human mate."

"What about Wesker?"

"NO!" Wesker ran up to Jill and slapped her with a handkerchief.

"Hey!" Morrigan was offended.

"She is the LAST thing I want to be doing right now! I'm only here to watch Morrigan's failing campaign!"

"And you have a lame British accent!" Morrigan stuck her tongue out at the man, causing him to gasp.

"Nobody said I was British, you fool!" Morrigan and Jill watched Wesker do an about face before walking away like the people did in the 1980s. Yes, Wesker did the shoulder bop.

"I hate Valentine's Day," Morrigan muttered.

"Wasn't Valentine's Day based on a vampire?"

"Oh yeah! Carl!" Morrigan floated as she waved for her trusty butler.

"You rang," Carl said in his usual tone, walking very, very, very, very, very slowly.

"Let's declare February 14th as National Vampire Day!" Morrigan squealed.

"Oh, God..." Robert Pattinson curled up his collar to turn incognito.

"Yeah, I'm going to get my date." Jill trotted over to Chris splashing on the pool before the giant agent jumped out.

"Soon you shall see, Chris, this will all make perfect sense!" Wesker snickered.

"Do you get lines from comic book villains?!" Chris threw a frog at Wesker who ended up being attacked by it.

"OH, GOD! MY PERFECT FACE!"

"I'm not going to bother..." Jill sighed as she and Chris started walking away.

"Oh, for crying out loud." Morrigan flew over to Carl to make things easier.

"You scoundrel!" Wesker approached the two while stomping on the frog.

"Okay, love sucks." Morrigan sighs as she landed nimbly.

"We've established that," Wesker added.

"You would know! And don't you have child support bills to pay?"

"Why the hell do you think I'm working as a gardener? Because certain assholes wanted me alive! You hear that, Wesker fanatics! You will die one day! Stop keeping me alive on fan-fics!"

"You need to take a chill pill. You're looking totally uncool right now."

"Bite me, you ratchet!"

"Madam, what would you like on National Vampire Day?" Carl inquired.

"I want to host a party here in France! With Scottish people!" Morrigan replied gleefully.

"Why not in Scotland?"

"Because she's an idiot," Wesker says plainly.

"Shut up, Leather Pants. Leather is ugly on you." Morrigan stuck her tongue out against him.

"Says the woman who can't even get a single man with so much to reveal," Wesker retorts.

"That's mean!"

"I don't care!" Wesker pushes her before standing on a coffee table in between an elderly couple. "I DON'T CARE!"

"Gather all the Scots!"

_Four hours later..._

"So why are we here?" Nina Williams asked to a group of familiar people.

"I got an e-mail saying all Scottish people be here by noon. I received the damn e-mail at 1 o'clock!" Lucky the Lucky Charms mascot shook his fist.

"We're not even Scottish! I'm Japanese!" Ryu Hayabusa whined.

_The Eiffel Tower._

"This is so beautiful! Wouldn't you agree, Carl?" Morrigan giggles as she floated near the edge of the railings, alarming several spectators.

"Madam, what about your party?" Carl asked.

"Oh, I'm not interested anymore."

"People spent money on their tickets, you bimbo," Wesker reminded her.

"I don't care." Morrigan took a sip from her champagne flute.

Morrigan, unintentionally or not, sent a mass e-mail to everyone she knew who was not Scottish to meet her in Paris but she lost interest. She decided to hang out by the Eiffel Tower with Carl and Wesker instead. Wesker wore his usual outfit but he had a baseball cap on with the French flag on it. He was also looking at a tourist guidebook while eating on some French bread. Carl was licking on an ice cream cone and Morrigan? She had red wine.

"You are so spoiled, you spoiled brat."

"Bite me."

"No."

"Oh! Carl! Let's go get some Skittles!" Morrigan piped up.

"We just got here! It was an exhausting flight up!" Wesker complained.

"What are you talking about? You move faster than I do!"

"You left me with Carl! And he was stuck in between a group of people! I had to move everyone out and some fat lard farted on me!"

"They swarmed us, madam," Carl added.

"And why the devil did you name him Carl? What's wrong with Lurch?" Wesker threw his bread down. Carl wiped away a tear because, yes, he hated the name Pugsly and Wednesday gave him.

"Lurch sounds so lame!" Morrigan responded with her completely new reason, earning him a very praising clap from Carl.

"My real name is Obadiah," Carl added.

"Like that's any better." Morrigan scoffed, causing Carl to quiver his lips.

"For once, I agree with the slut." Wesker pushed his glasses up.

"Piss off! I know you fancy my bum!"

"That is the dumbest thing to have ever been said in the history of stupid."

"Hush now! We can find things to do here!"

"And the imbecile completely changes subject. Yes, this is the saga of idiocy."

"There's a couple making out down there! Enjoy, you French weirdos!"

Morrigan grabs Carl's ice cream and drops it towards the couple but it hits one of the police officers down below. They immediately begin escaping but knowing Carl, he took forever. Plus, he was trying to muffle his sobs. The group made it back to their hotel room where Wesker tried prying open the couch bed but as fate knows it, he ended up getting thrown inside the contraption, becoming a Wesker sandich.

"You just became a Wesker sandwich!" Morrigan pointed out.

"That is so original." Wesker stuck out his hand to give her the finger.

Carl turned the television on and it was some news program about racism. Evidently a black French man was shot by a Nerf gun from a white French male teenager and it created a huge controversy. They were lighting up candles near the site but Wesker turned it off and Carl growled. He turned it back on to show sports while Morrigan was in the shower singing... horribly. Both horrible lyrics and horrible tune.

"How can you sink into my ties? Mike opens doors!" Morrigan sang.

"You are butchering that Evanescence song. At least sing it correctly if you're going to sound like dried turd on a chalkboard," Wesker complained, banging on the bathroom door.

"Fine! My gay is bold with loud tooth! But I'm Burt wrench I'm with tooth!"

"And she ruins an Ashanti song. Carl, what are we watching?"

"The San Francisco 49ers. It's their preseason," Carl answered but he fell asleep.

"Oh, to hell with it." Wesker grabbed the remote and put it on a cooking channel.

"Hi, Thai! In a stoning lay wear this plastic bag come by! You heart the peas of knees! I love this Clarity song!"

Wesker just raised the volume to its maximum to block out Morrigan's singing.

_8:40PM, four hours after Morrigan first stepped into the shower._

Morrigan exits the bathroom wearing a robe and a towel on her head when she spotted Wesker and Carl. They ordered four boxes of pizza, two boxes of buffalo wings, six bottles of soda and a bag of weed was laid out on the table. Wesker was laying down on his newly set up couch bed with the remote in his hand, snoring soundly while Carl was leaning against the edge of the bed. Morrigan laid down after snatching the remote to find a decent channel simultaneously eating some pizza. The two stooges only managed to eat four slices each and two chickens before deciding to get high. It was showing a French dub of Dexter and this particular episode was focused on Deb's hidden sexual fascination with Dexter. Hell, it showed the scene with them having sex.

"Don't French people ever consider the children?" Morrigan asked herself.

"Yes... I'd like to return this spatula..." Wesker mumbled in his sleep.

Morrigan furrowed her eyebrows but she threw him a pillow to suppress his snoring. Carl was bobbing his head, probably dreaming of a land of gravy and doughnuts. Morrigan sighs after eating two slices. She quickly changes into pajamas before she decides to look outside their hotel. Their room was pretty costly but she was able to view the Eiffel Tower from a distance. She smiles, finding the marvelous display throughout France very mesmerizing. Then she frowned after coming to a screeching realization.

"Love stinks!"

Yes, this is Morrigan Aensland. A bipolar heiress to the Aensland fortune who got very bored with her life and wields bizarre creativity. She also hadn't sex in... ever. She understood the nature of the succubi but her victims always died before she fornicated with them. She did attend a sex ed class but she fell asleep during the lecture and was graded with an M; M for Mad but she assumed it was M for Morrigan.

You see, after she joined the Marvel and Capcom heroes in their battle against Galactus, she was envious of the friendship everyone had. Ryu and Chun-Li were friends, Chris and Jill were friends... though all she saw were lovers even though everyone knew Chun-Li was too busy with life and Ryu wanted to be the best Pokemon master in the world that no one ever was contrary to popular belief. She convinced Wesker to work for her since he had bills to pay and Thor found her too creepy. When everyone went their separate ways, she went back to her castle all alone and without a sense of purpose in life so she tried painting. Unfortunately, she only used the color brown which Wesker labelled as a "piece of shit."

So why does she hang out with Wesker and Carl? You bring one bipolar succubus, one schizophrenic bio-terrorist and a literally brain dead butler with you and the adventures were endless! Even though the two were exhausted with the woman, they were clearly entertained with her antics. Plus, she let them stay with her for free while paying them.

"I need better friends," Morrigan decided. She opened her smart phone and looked at her contacts list. It only had her father, Lilith, Wesker and Carl's numbers. With the sole exception of Carl, everyone pretty much avoids answering her calls or texts.

"Oh, Mr. Giraffe, you don't eat egg rolls that way..." Wesker grumbled in his sleep.

_The following morning._

"What do you mean we're going to Italy?!"

It was 7AM and already Morrigan bought tickets for Italy.

"Oh, shush! I know you've wanted to go to Italy! Your wife is there!"

"She's not my wife! And I know! That's the incentive for me to not want to go there!"

"I want to eat Italian food," Carl interjected.

"That's the spirit, Carl!" Morrigan applauded, giggling.

"This is preposterous! There is nothing interesting in Italy besides the Pope and I want to wipe my ass with his towels!"

"That's blasphemy!"

"For one, he's not a god. Two, I'm an atheist. Except for myself. I'm a god."

"People look up to him, you know!"

"Nonsense. The bastard barely knows any of us. Besides, you're a demon. A DEMON!"

"So? I can always convert! That would make me an angel!"

"Madam, I don't think the Pope would take it kindly if we arrived at his doorstep unannounced," Carl reminded.

"Exactly!" Wesker cringes at the thought. "We're not going there to demand parlay from the Vatican apostate! And what are we demanding parlay for!"

"I want to sit on the Pope's chair, to put quite simply and majestically," came Morrigan's proud reply.

"That doesn't even make sense!"

A few groups of people in the lobby watched the trio argue while several, namely a very hungover Megan Fox and the Ninja Turtles, just walked on. By now Wesker was creating a spectacle while Morrigan laughed jovially, fanning herself with a demonic fan. Carl was already checking them out. Their clothing was completely different, too. Morrigan wore a purple shirt with black pants, and she had her hair tied up in bun. She still had those wings sticking out from the side of her head and her clothing had bat designs. Wesker wore a similar outfit to his Resident Evil 5 attire except they were now shorts and sleeveless t-shirt. He also wore light up shoes and he had star-shaped sunglasses. For some reason, he was carrying a shotgun on his back but how it was attached without a holster is unknown. Then again, Chris Redfield was just passing by with an AK-47, a rocket launcher, a boat rudder and boombox on his back. He, too, was checking out. As for Carl, he was wearing nothing but purple shorts so many people thought he was the gray version of the Hulk.

"Oh, pipe down, deary. You're going to love Italy!"

"With the way you plan things, I sincerely doubt it."

"You didn't say that about Belgium! Or when we visited Egypt! And let's not forget Krypton!"

"We got chased by the Belgium police for stealing gum, we were chased by mummies in Egypt because you just had to desecrate their sarcophagus and my absolute favorite: we blew up Krypton! Again!"

"Yeah, I'm still mad at that," Superman stated. He was working at the front desk in Paris. He got fired for destroying Metropolis.

"What's your point?"

"My point being is what possible outcome could we have for wanting to sit on the Pope's chair?"

"The Pope's chair? Oh, don't be silly! I want to visit my grandmother."

"... your grandmother doesn't live in Italy."

"That's where you're wrong! You see, if we buy two rottweilers from Inspector Gadget and we run the marathon with rollerblades, we can finally accomplish the life long dream we had- winning the limbo tournament during the Super Bowl in Nottingham!" Morrigan smiles. Wesker's jaw drops.

"WHAT?!"

"We're done, madam," Carl informed.

"Splendid! Off to the Mushroom Kingdom! Mario and Peach, here we come!" Morrigan skips away from the group.

"Carl, why are we here again?"

"I stopped question madam a long time ago."

_The airport._

"Here we are! Albert, be a gentleman and kiss the cab driver!"

"No."

Wesker walks into the airport while Carl gives the bags to random strangers who took off running with them.

"My sandwich was in my bag."

"I'll buy you another sandwich, Carl."

Inside, Wesker was sitting near Carmen San Diego when Morrigan and Carl joined him. Wesker noticed something Carl was lacking.

"Where's our crap?" Wesker asked.

"We were robbed."

"And there goes the beginning of the end." Wesker licks his thumb and turns the page.

"Flight to Zimbabwe is now boarding," the PA announced.

"Oh! There's our flight!" Morrigan squeals, running to the plane.

"We're going to Italy!" Wesker screamed.

"I know! I love Botswana!" Morrigan waves for her two companions to follow.

"We're getting arrested again, aren't we?" Carl lamented.

"I hope that was a rhetoric, Carl."

Wesker jogs to Morrigan when she took off, leaving Carl by himself.

"Yes," Carl said to no one.

_**WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?**_

_Hey, guys! Welcome to the latest addition to one of my stories that will probably get abandoned! Hope you enjoyed!_


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